This was the most traumatic of my miscarriages. Earlier in the year of 1990 I had a "nervous breakdown" and it took a while to recover. I was still recovering when I found out I was pregnant. But this time it was different. The blood coursing through my legs made it feel like they would explode. I wore support hose in August to help that feeling. I was extra ornery and sick.
I went to Pleasant Grove to stay with Mom and Dad Hilton to go to a Church Music Conference at BYU. Mom kept telling me to talk to a Card girl to learn what happened to her. I didn't have time and I yelled at Mom to leave me alone (very unlike me). I felt bad and later apologized.
When I got home, later in August my morning sickness stopped and I figured the baby had died. But tests said that I was still pregnant. In October I started in regular labor pains. My doctor was out of town, so I eenie-meenie-minee-moed a doctor in Logan and Man took me down. I was sitting on the doctor's table when I felt a pop inside me like a balloon bursting, then I felt fluid down on the table under me. The doctor came in, took a look there, and panickly yelled for a nurse. I think I was bleeding so they put a towel between my legs and wheeled me over to the hospital and I had a D&C. Before they took me over they showed me my little boy in a vial.
Later the doctor told me that it looked like I'd had twins.
This is what I felt about that. I feel like the first baby was a sweet girl who loved her mother so much that she knew I couldn't handle twins, so she checked out to let her brother grow. That was when I stopped being sick in August.
Then he couldn't continue and miscarried. I think that maybe he was alive and moving after the sack "popped" inside of me. So he got his body on earth.
Before I thought he got his body I wanted to be pregnant so he could come to earth. But I had another miscarriage, then a girl, then a miscarriage, then a girl, and never could have any more. So he's waiting in heaven for us to raise him.
That sweet girl that miscarried first I feel was Sheena. When she was young she would have an unexplained fever every month. I took her to a chiropractor who works with things in your past. I asked him to help heal her of her giving her life for her brother, then his dying, that she wouldn't be mad at him. He did that. She never got fevered like that again.
Another chiropractor said that she tried to be born three times from me, which is very unusual. She really needed to be my girl. I'm so grateful to have her, the sweetheart!
I remember being so sad about this miscarriage and Kristen said, "Mom you will have a baby in two years." I thought, "What a sweet four year old to say that." It really helped.
I also had a neighbor, Andrea Smart, who have given birth very early to a baby and he had died. I went to talk to her. She showed me mementos of him and pictures of them with him. Talking to her helped heal me and her a lot. Very good communion.